Washington, DC
While on a political snowball role of cutting programs and redefining a woman's right from conception to birth, Republican's today have won their first victory regarding men's health. Based on the idea that each sperm produced by a man is a potential child of God, Republicans have put a ban an masturbation. "The act of coitus should only be performed when trying to conceive a child" said Representative Harry Chambers (Rep. GA) "Each and every attempt at such Godliness that does not produce a child should be mourned and prayed for." He continued.
"This comes as such a blow to young men just reaching puberty," contested Representative Pearl (Dem. Vt) "I can't believe this has passed as quickly as it did." "Is nothing sacred? Does this mean a woman will be mourning every time she has her monthly cycle? Please, this is ridiculous."
President Obama has already promised to veto this bill when it comes across his desk. What we have to worry about now is what will the Republicans try next, all men and women will be required to have full reproductive organs removed by their 13th birthdays and all children will be conceived via test tube and incubated in a lab? TXH 1138?
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