Gas Prices Hit All Time High; Expected to Rise

PORT SAINT LUCIE, FL  As gas prices hit an all time high this week, motorists in South Florida are floored.  Amid the tensions and uprisings in the Arab world, especially Lybia, gas prices are expected to rise meteorically.  When questioned "why so high, so fast when there are months of stock pile?",  Oil executive Skid Euler of BP said "Import oil prices are near $150 a barrel! We are trying to cushion the prices as long as we can, but it won't be long before we have to raise the price again."

PSL, FL does not have a public transportation system, and since the towns are spread out, walking is just not an option.  Most neighborhoods don't even have sidewalks even  if they were forced to take a hike to the grocery store for milk it would be dangerous.


Prices are the highest they've ever been. All over the country a gallon of gas may even hit $9.00 by the end of the month.  Even as winter has yet to leave the northern states, sales of bicycles have already surged, and company's are offering compensation to employees who will "share-a-ride" to the office.

Children on Pilgrimage to Sesame Street since 1969 are giving up.

NEW YORK CITY, NY -  Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?


Apparently the answer is "NO" No one seems to know how to get there.  You are either born or hatched there, have lived there since it was built, or have been magically transported there.  There seems to be a way to leave, but unless you know the secret passage, you can't get back.  Since Sesame Street began in 1969, children and adults alike have been on what is now a life time pilgrimage to the famous street.  Asking of all who will listen, "can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street?"


The group of 52 now full grown adults and their children were last seen in Washington, DC, singing and asking politicians on Capitol Hill "Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?" Which, to their utter dismay were answered by some: "Sesame Street? Does anyone watch that anymore? I don't think so. Plus, after next year I can tell exactly how to get there...re-runs."


"I can't believe it, after all this time, after all these years, these letters, these numbers, Sesame Street is going away forever?  I never even got there!  So much for sunny days." Cried Hooper, so named as he was born on the day Mr. Hooper died on the Sesame Street. 


As the small group began to disband, a frazzled few men and women in suits approached them with smiles of their worn faces.  "You can't give up now, my friends, Sesame Street needs you more than ever before."
"But what can we do, we've been looking for Sesame street for decades?"
"Sesame Street is a place in your heart, you can go there whenever you want to.  But if you want to save it for your children, and their children, you must keep up your quest.  Tell everyone you meet to tell everyone they know to keep Sesame Street and all of it's friends on PBS.  If you give up, then it will become a street of the past."


And so boys and girls, we leave you with this message.  We can tell you how to get to Sesame Street... call your local congressmen and women, ask them how they got there.  


This article has been brought to you by the letters P, B, and S, and by the numbers 4 and 2 for number of years Sesame Street has been apart of out lives.


Sunny Day
Sweepin' the clouds away
On my way to where the air is sweet

Can you tell me how to get,
How to get to Sesame Street

Come and play
Everything's A-OK
Friendly neighbors there
That's where we meet

Can you tell me how to get
How to get to Sesame Street

It's a magic carpet ride
Every door will open wide
To Happy people like you--
Happy people like
What a beautiful

Sunny Day
Sweepin' the clouds away
On my way to where the air is sweet

Can you tell me how to get,
How to get to Sesame street...
How to get to Sesame Street
How to get to... 

New Contacts Emulate Beer Goggles

 
HOUSTON, TX  After decades of being the ophthalmologist  of choice in Houston and her surrounding counties, Marc Sheer, MD has invented a pair of contacts that emulates the fictional "beer goggles".  The contacts slightly distort the vision in the very center of a persons focal point yet correct the remainder of the spectrum.

"I love these new contacts!" said Heidi Seymore "The new high definition TV we have has made it difficult to watch anything with close-ups.  I hated seeing every pore, every make-up line, and every bit of facial hair.  It's like watching my old TV the people look so much better."

Dr. Sheer has suggested they are not the best for driving, but can easily prescribe a sleek pair of driving glasses to counteract the slight blurring effect.

You can order a pair of "Boggles" at any optometrist with your next scheduled eye exam.

Astronomical Link Found Between World Revolutions

Helsinki, Finland

Astronomers and philosophers from around the world gathered last week in Helsinki, Finland to discuss the current events as foretold in the stars.  With charts, books, computer models, and a bit of gut feelings, they determined the revolutions in our time have been predicted since the beginning of time.  In addition, there is hard evidence that most of the worlds revolutions can be traced back using the same theory.

Astrologically speaking, during the winter months, aside from the constellation Orion, the constellation Taurus is predominant in the sky pulling those born of this sign to a higher awareness.  Men and women born in Late April and earl May may feel a tightening of their chests and a need for change during this time period.  Some believe that it is so powerful, it can incite men and women to do things out of character but what is truly in their hearts. 

A simple example would be a Tauren  who normally would not ask a woman on a date, finds that he is more likely to have the courage to do so in the winter.  It should be noted that the link between a heightened arousal of spirit during these months is also linked to a spike in the birthrate, which can be seen currently.

However, the astrologers are quick to point out, not just any winter.  Every 17th cycle of the passing of Venus as it's rising sign, aligns the planets in such a way that pulls the energy given off of Orion, added to that of Venus and focuses it all at Earth for the season.  This year is one of those years.  As will be in 17 years from this season.

Thus it is so for a few of the following world leaders and philosophers;  finding courage or the drive cause change on a scale larger than themselves in the winter, when Taurus is predominant in the sky. Traced back in increments of 17 years, the following people were pivotal in causing change on a more global scale:


Maximillien Robespierre (1758-1794) is a well know figure from the French revolution, especially remembered as a playing a pivotal role in what is commonly referred to as " The Reign Of Terror."   Max was a Taurus.

Niccolo Machiavelli (1469 - 1527) is remembered for his role during the renaissance. Machiavelli issued an impassioned call for Italian unity, and an end to foreign intervention.  He is quoted as saying  “No enterprise is more likely to succeed than one concealed from the enemy until it is ripe for execution.” Machiavelli was a Taurus.


Adolph Hitler (1899 - 1945) Not saying anything about this dead human other than he was a Taurus.


Hosni Mubarak just happens to be a Taurus, too... just sayin'.



The consensus  amongst the astrologers was this.  Any man, woman or older child born under the Tauren sign, would need great courage and self control during the winter months. 

Republicans Declare War on Men of Reproductive Age

Washington, DC 
While on a political snowball role of cutting programs and redefining a woman's right  from conception to birth, Republican's today have won their first victory regarding men's health.  Based on the idea that each sperm produced by a man is a potential child of God, Republicans have put a ban an masturbation.  "The act of coitus should only be performed when trying to conceive a child" said Representative Harry Chambers (Rep. GA) "Each and every attempt at such Godliness that does not produce a child should be mourned and prayed for." He continued.

"This comes as such a blow to young men just reaching puberty," contested Representative Pearl (Dem. Vt) "I can't believe this has passed as quickly as it did."  "Is nothing sacred?  Does this mean a woman will be mourning every time she has her monthly cycle? Please, this is ridiculous."

President Obama has already promised to veto this bill when it comes across his desk.  What we have to worry about now is what will the Republicans try next, all men and women will be required to have full reproductive organs removed by their 13th birthdays and all children will be conceived via test tube and incubated in a lab?  TXH 1138?